Mean Girls

By Tuesday evening of this week I had had enough of mean girls. Two girl-involved fights (despite our best efforts to prevent them) and my own daughter's first-hand experience with a mean girl on her bus had me just about done with these girls and their problems. I guess growing up with only a brother, I somehow missed out on some valuable experience in how girls operate, so I started reading to find an answer on why girls can be so mean. Psychology says that while boys generally participate in physical aggressiveness, girls are much more likely to participate in relational aggression. This can include public humiliation, spreading rumors, exclusion of a person from a group or pitting one friend against another. It probably would not take much for all of us to attach a face to these characteristics from our own personal experiences. So why do they do it? While we understand the seemingly easy answer to why boys are aggressive (and yes we are more likely to give that a pass culturally), the motivation for girls can be a bit more complex. Psychologists have several explanations as to why girls begin to behave this way. The majority of reasons seem to tie back to one of two things: establishing themselves as an Alpha female or personal insecurity. Genetically, girls may be hardwired to be the Alpha Female so that they can have first-dibs on the best mate. (Strangely enough that explains why girls will fight over a boy.) Girls that feel insecure, fear not belonging to the group, and can manipulate others, to secure their own relationship standings.

So what does all of this have to do with school? Apparently a lot. Researchers also find that environments either lend themselves to being breeding grounds for "mean girl behavior" or not. Schools (and work places later on) can be places that fuel social competition and can unintentionally foster this type of behavior. Either by allowing it passively or refusing to attack it head-on, we can sometimes be our own worst enemies. We all (yes, guys too) have participated in mean girl behaviors and our own need to fit in may have led us to ignoring and allowing the behaviors of others at times. Schools have to take a different approach to getting girls to understand their own feelings and motivations. We have to take the time to teach positive leadership characteristics while also addressing self-worth and positive self-image. Simply expecting their to be a change by admonishing the negative behaviors will not fix the problem. Girls have to understand why and attach that understanding to themselves personally.

I have two daughters and there are so many young ladies in our school that I would be proud to call my daughter. I want to see them all become successful adults. In schools, girls generally out-perform boys academically, are much less likely to be suspended and generally demonstrate more mature behaviors. So why do we still have a male-dominated culture beyond school? "Doing what counts" also means educating our young women on how to lead effectively if we expect that to change. They need examples, but they also need to know how to get there. That has probably become our job.

Don't worry ladies....I'm calling out the boys next week.