Don't Dislike Your Children

I've been spending a lot of time in a car recently. My role as the state principal of the year requires me to travel quite a bit. Just this week I crisscrossed the state and between Tuesday morning and Wednesday evening, I had been in a car for about 10 hours. You can only listen to so much music when you drive that much and I can't check my email and drive, so I turned to audiobooks to at least stimulate my brain a little with all that highway time. This week I started 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson. He's a somewhat controversial person and this isn't at all an endorsement of him. To be honest, I don't agree with 100% of what he says or writes, but it does make me think and that's the point. One of his 12 rules really got me thinking about the students in our classrooms and how we interact with them. It reads: "Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them." The chapter has absolutely nothing to do with teaching. It's about parenting your own children and addressing misbehavior in small children so that society doesn't have to correct them later in a much more difficult way. It's the same reason we must focus on classroom management as educators. 

On the surface, classroom management is about running things well enough so that the lesson can be taught. You need students attentive, engaged, and not disrupting others so that learning can take place. But like most things in a classroom, the content isn't what we are really teaching. Teaching students how to participate in society and in a group is the real lesson. They graduate from school and classrooms but they will work and live with others and knowing how to be a productive member versus one that is counter-productive is essential. That's why we have to take the time to teach and address things when students do something that we (and others) dislike. Ignoring it is the equivalent of allowing your child to throw a tantrum in a store when they want the toy. If you don't address it, they will keep doing it and believe that it is ok. Meanwhile, the rest of the store (and the classroom) creates a dislike of them as an individual. As educators we prepare young people to be productive adults. They learn some content along the way and we hope that some piece of that content sparks an interest that leads to a career or passion later in life. Along with their families and peers, we guide these young people to be the best versions of themselves that they can be in so many ways. Therefore, it is just as much our responsibility to correct students when they do things that we and others will dislike. Teaching that is just as important as the content of our lessons because as an adult, they will be assessed on it every day.

Empathy Leads to Equity

I have talked a lot about empathy in blog posts over the years. I strongly feel that teaching students how to understand and care for a person whose experiences are different than their own is one of the most important things that we can ever teach a student, yet isn't found in a curriculum. Without a doubt, the best way to teach this is to model it and as we have changed classes and students for the new semester, I have had the opportunity to see this in action. 

Since the start of the semester, many of you have gained students with different needs. Students that do not speak English. Students in a wheelchair. Students with extreme situations outside of school that impact their ability to be successful in school. It doesn't take long to notice these students. Physical differences are quickly seen and a teacher with little experience can spot a struggling student. Understanding their condition is great, but taking action based on that understanding is impressive. This week I have had requests for desks, manipulatives, and grace in grading from teachers that recognized that a new student in their n classroom would need something different to be successful this semester. I absolutely love that. Pushing beyond the recognition and toward a solution that provides a student with something that will level their playing field is exactly what equity is all about. Hats off to those of you that recognized a difficulty and sprung to action for the benefit of a student. It's what teaching is really all about. 

New Year New Me?

The opportunities of a new year, a new semester, and new classes of students have always excited me. It's a chance to put into practice some of what you know went right and fix some of what you didn't like. It moves reflection to action, but only if you take the opportunity. Maybe New Year's resolutions get played up too much or perhaps they are over marketed by companies looking to exploit your desire for self-improvement, but it seems that there are just two camps of people on the issue. There are those that overly embrace the "New Year, New Me" attitude and those that outright reject and mock others for it. I think both groups missed the point. A new year and really any opportunity to have a fresh start doesn't have to be some grand change in personality or life habits. You don't have to be a "new you." That level of change is extremely difficult for any person. Like most things, success can be seen in smaller adjustments rather than extreme changes. As we tackle a new semester, with new classes and a new year, I challenge you to forget trying to be a new you. Instead, the challenge is just to be a slightly better, happier, and more fulfilled you. Small changes are manageable if you define them and more times than not, they make bigger impacts than we expect. If you haven't done so, look back on the previous semester, and maybe at the goals that you set at the beginning of the year within your department or on your PDP. What small changes can make those goals happen and what did you learn? You might not be able to create a new you, but I promise you can adjust the one that you already are, and that's always going to be enough.

Dear Anonymous Teacher

 Dear Anonymous Teacher,

A few weeks ago I had you fill out a survey for me for a PD that I was going to. It was about my leadership style and it asked you about the things I do well and the things that I need to improve on. 45 people completed the survey and I received the results earlier this week. I got a lot of good feedback for my personal growth and it was great reading some of the comments at the end. Those comments do more than the numerical ratings because it lets you hear the thoughts of the people that I work with. The comments taught me that I might be more of a "people person" than I thought and that communication is really important to the people that work here. I learned that I could improve on being more direct with some people and that I don't always seem consistent. But your comment caught my attention the most. It said, "Even though it sometimes feels as though I was a "better than an empty classroom" hire, I am thankful for the opportunities and training provided by working at GCHS." Reading it made me pause the first time and I've come back to it several times since. 

The survey was anonymous and that gave everyone permission to say things that they mean. But it also means that I can't find you to tell you that you're more than a "better than an empty classroom" hire. I don't need to know who you are to tell you that. I know this because you're still here. You show up to do the job of trying to educate and lead children. You mentioned being thankful for training and opportunity. That shows that you're taking it seriously and are conscious about trying to be better. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of working in an organization is that we often compare ourselves to others around us. We see others with more experience or even just someone in a good moment and feel like we aren't enough. We also see others in a time of struggle and wonder why they can't get it together. It's human nature and I'm probably never going to be good enough to change that about the people in any organization. But I can tell you that you matter to this organization. You show up for kids and those kids (even though they stress us out) are always our top priority. 

Over a decade of leading schools has taught me that it's much more difficult today to find teachers than it was when I started. I used to ask all kinds of pedagogy questions in interviews and now I look for people that care. We can teach you how to teach if you're willing to learn. That's you. And it's everyone else that reads this and wonders if they matter or if they are doing well enough at this crazy thing we call education. So do me a favor and throw that phrase out of your mind. No matter who you are, I promise you're good enough.

How Are You Doing?

I had just gotten home from fishing during the Thanksgiving break when I got the call from the Sheriff's Department. My schedule this year hasn't allowed much time to be on my boat and just getting back there was great. I expected the call to be about an ongoing situation with another student. Looking back, I certainly wish it had been. On Sunday, the YoungLife group asked if they could use the gym to meet and celebrate his life and give kids some space to work out what they were feeling. I expected twenty or so kids to be there, but so many more showed up. That night probably helped us so much more on Monday morning, but Monday wasn't exactly easy either. Since Sunday night we have hugged a lot of kids. I've hugged kids that, in the past, I've fussed at as well as anyone for things they have done wrong. 

If you work in schools long enough, I guess it is inevitable that this will happen from time to time, but it never gets easier. But what has changed, is the response from the school community at large. Other schools know what we are going through. Most have probably been there before and they want to show empathy for our loss. Between flowers, offerings to financially support the family, and outward displays of support for the school, their empathy for our situation has been so helpful and I truly believe it is a powerful lesson that we are teaching kids. Empathy says, "I don't feel what you feel, but I can understand that it must be difficult, and I'm sorry." They will use that a lot more in life than some of the other content we teach.

When others have asked me this week, "How are you doing?" My inclination is to talk about my students and staff. "It's been a tough week but, we are getting better," I say. But a colleague this week followed that and said, "I asked how you are doing." It was probably the first time I had stopped to process things myself. Like many of you, I'm tired and I hurt when I see kids hurt. My job is to take care of them and you. Your job is to take care of them and each other. In times of difficulty, we don't always stop to take a record of how we are doing. I gained a new appreciation for those that check on us personally this week and it's something that we all need to do far more often. Even in times that are not in crisis. So my message this week is this: Check in on the people that you care about, especially those that you know don't do a great job of looking after themselves. It always matters.

Time for Reflection

I’m not always good at slowing down to take a minute to reflect. It’s something that I have to force myself to do as a habit. In fact, this blog is a big part of getting me to stop and reflect on the week. Without those forced habits, I am far too task-oriented to stop and appreciate things or think about how they could have been different or better. I do believe that reflection is essential to personal and professional growth, so despite my natural aversion to it, I choose to work on it. But every now and then, reflection will slap you in the face. That happened this week.

Ten years ago this week, I traveled to Washington DC to accept the award for the National Blue Ribbon for Greene Early College, where I had served as the principal the year before. The awards ceremony was on my birthday and I felt so proud to be there, but also knew that other than filling out the grant application, I had very little to do with the award. The teachers at the school had earned that and I was just there to represent them. Fast-forward a decade and I found myself having dinner with the governor, surrounded by some of the brightest minds the Old North State has to offer. On the drive home, with my wife asleep in the passenger’s seat, I had time to reflect. 

I’ve had some pretty awesome opportunities in my life. And when you have dinner with the governor, Eric Church and several professors and authors that are decades ahead of their peers, you can’t help but wonder how you got there. That meal is a long way from mucking horse stalls and shelling butter beans that were a regular part of my youth. And once again, just like I knew from the Blue Ribbon award, I’m there because of the people that help me do the work. I’ve been exceptionally lucky to work with people that care about what they do. So on the ride home, and with Thanksgiving a week away, it hit me like a ton of bricks just how thankful I am for the opportunities I’ve had on behalf of the work you all do. As a team, you deserve a lot of extra credit. So over the next week, I hope that you also get to reflect and appreciate where you are and the people that helped you. So little in our personal or professional lives is accomplished on our own. Even when we hit a big goal or milestone, there are people supporting us or filling the voids so that we could focus on that task. Schools and the lives of students and educators certainly are no different. So somewhere in the next week, I hope that you get the chance to reflect on that. Like me, I'm sure you've already come a long way from where you started. 

As a Parent

One of the unique benefits that most educators don't acknowledge enough is the extra time we often get to spend with our own children when they go to our school or one nearby. My daughters have always spent a disproportionate amount of time in school. When I was a teacher and coach, they tagged along to practices and events, and later when I became an administrator, they attended arts and athletic functions when I had a duty to be there. When I initially started working in Greene County, I was still living in Pitt County and my children went to school there, but it didn't take long for me to bring them with me if nothing more than the added benefit of seeing them more and supporting them the best way I could.  My wife has generally left school information and functions to me (until the girls got older and didn't always want me there) and I was always able to be involved as a parent in their school functions. My experience with my children and their schools has not been the normal experience for most parents that have a career. 

This year, I've started to understand and appreciate the more traditional role of a working parent as I've been much more involved in things that have not allowed me to be as present. Both of my parents worked, and they had to prioritize what they were able to attend to see me do, and for the first time, I've had to do the same thing. This week was particularly tough as I couldn't attend Rylee's last tennis match of the season because I was hours away. I had to check in with Reagan and her day via Facetime, rather than our usual discussion when I grabbed her from the car rider line. We are making it work, but it's not always the same. However, I have an advantage. Over the past several weeks, several of you have reached out to me to send pictures of my daughter in class or at tennis. I've even gotten a few funny stories about things you've seen. It's as if you knew that I, as a parent, would want to see that and you shared that experience with me and I can't tell you how much it means. 

As a parent, we all want to support our children. We trust their teachers to not only instruct them in content curriculum, but in our absence, we often need them to support our children in other ways as well. Ultimately, I wish that every parent was able to share in some part of the experience that you have given me this year when I wasn't able to be there.  The unexpected anecdotes of our child's success do amazing things to brighten our day and reassure us that they are doing well. Taking a minute to do this is one of the most customer-focused things an educator can do. As a parent, I want that for every parent. As a principal, this is ultimately why I ask you to try to prioritize parent communication. I'm not sure if the pictures and texts that I received will make it to your Parent Contact Logs, but they are exactly why we do them. As a parent....thank you.