How Are You Doing?

I had just gotten home from fishing during the Thanksgiving break when I got the call from the Sheriff's Department. My schedule this year hasn't allowed much time to be on my boat and just getting back there was great. I expected the call to be about an ongoing situation with another student. Looking back, I certainly wish it had been. On Sunday, the YoungLife group asked if they could use the gym to meet and celebrate his life and give kids some space to work out what they were feeling. I expected twenty or so kids to be there, but so many more showed up. That night probably helped us so much more on Monday morning, but Monday wasn't exactly easy either. Since Sunday night we have hugged a lot of kids. I've hugged kids that, in the past, I've fussed at as well as anyone for things they have done wrong. 

If you work in schools long enough, I guess it is inevitable that this will happen from time to time, but it never gets easier. But what has changed, is the response from the school community at large. Other schools know what we are going through. Most have probably been there before and they want to show empathy for our loss. Between flowers, offerings to financially support the family, and outward displays of support for the school, their empathy for our situation has been so helpful and I truly believe it is a powerful lesson that we are teaching kids. Empathy says, "I don't feel what you feel, but I can understand that it must be difficult, and I'm sorry." They will use that a lot more in life than some of the other content we teach.

When others have asked me this week, "How are you doing?" My inclination is to talk about my students and staff. "It's been a tough week but, we are getting better," I say. But a colleague this week followed that and said, "I asked how you are doing." It was probably the first time I had stopped to process things myself. Like many of you, I'm tired and I hurt when I see kids hurt. My job is to take care of them and you. Your job is to take care of them and each other. In times of difficulty, we don't always stop to take a record of how we are doing. I gained a new appreciation for those that check on us personally this week and it's something that we all need to do far more often. Even in times that are not in crisis. So my message this week is this: Check in on the people that you care about, especially those that you know don't do a great job of looking after themselves. It always matters.